When there is secrecy involved in a relationship, there is cause for worry. Oftentimes people like to keep a relationship private when they are not sure where it is going. On the other hand, some people may want to keep a relationship secret when they are already involved with another person. Sometimes that person is not completely over their previous relationship and feels the need to hide a budding relationship with another.
I’ve been there twice in my adult life. Pinapples?! Yes, I have been guilty of holding onto that secret affair. Looking back, I know it was dishonest not to tell either party that they existed. However, I found myself wondering if either relationship would be exactly what I wanted in my future. “Surely, the present situation between the two was no clear indicator,” I thought once or twice. I even reasoned that neither had a better chance than the other simply because I still had no clue which direction I should go. It became a balancing act and I failed miserably! With one I had history, albeit not a great history, but one just the same. The other relationship came with it’s own set of issues, filled with mistrust, deceit and a a lot of mystery. Heck, I figured they were on equal footing.
Rest assure that leaving others in the dark on their status in the relationship with you is not the best game plan. No one wants to feel that they have had the right to make or not make a decision of an inclusive reality, especially if they seek exclusivity with you.
I want to encourage you to not be too quick to define your relationship with your secrative boyfriend or girlfriend. “Wait…what Coach Cai?” Yes! Time, Integrity and Communication are going to be your best friends in this situation. In the end, if he or she really cares about you, he’ll want the world to know if you are the “one.” Or, you may rightfully decide to opt out of the relationship based on the revelations.
Self-care is essential. It requires high levels of self-love, self-respect, and self-esteem. If you are lacking in any of these areas, seek the advisement and counseling of a mentor, friend, or family member.
Love and Light, Coach, Cai
Coach Cai 