Living in My Singleness Amidst So Many People

“So Cai, why are you not in a relationship? What’s wrong with you? Are you gay or something? Or are you some cat lady?” I paused, nodded my head (as I do most often when I’m about to go in for the jugular). I patted my feet as if I’m playing chopsticks on my piano. I wondered if he realized that I’ve heard those words over and over and over. Or did he realize that he has been programmed to believe it to be a negative act to be single. Surely I cannot blame him as “I am a bit eclectic, mysterious, untouchable or unreachable…and successful, happy, never intending to be married. Oh my darling’ pick up your jaw!” He stands there with a glare, I guess partially embarrassed and partially angered. Folks, I get these questions in my inbox often and frankly, I have never found it necessary to explain my choice.

There was never a time when I needed to be reminded that I’m single, not with a joke, not with a card and not with a t-shirt. My goal was never to be married to make me happy.If there were one response that I am aching for others to know is that I am happy with my choice to be “single.” Sadly, we live in times that are so centered on married life even worse layering it with gender, ethnicity, socio-racial issues creating these impossible situations for people who do not fit the mold. And to add to the equation, that happiness and success can only be attained through marriage.

Defining “singleness” is mind-blowing for some.  Quite a few people would attempt to say there are several related behaviors that single folk display: 1) they are introverts or 2) promiscuous, or 3) immature. I am none of those. I am single at heart living pretty fulfilled with and without family and friends.

Here is my advice for those of you who walk in similar shoes.  Do “you” to the best of your ability! The world does not define you, you define who you are. If you feel like sweats and a t-shirt with ice cream and a book on a Friday night, then dang it, do it! If you feel like being the life of the Monday night football party, by all means, ensure that the rounds are on the house. Hey life is meant to live, so live it well. Solo living by choice should be celebrated.

Your “Singleness” Sister in Love, Cai